Same story, a new generation.

[reynardo]

When I was 20, I met a guy who was much older and who was wanting to settle down. I thought I needed to settle down too, and we ended up living together and engaged. It wasn't until I realised that there was more to being married than just a big party and being the centre of the attention for the day that I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to grow old with the guy. He was a nice enough man, secure, mature, stable - and not the life partner I needed.

At time time, though, that's what most of the women I knew were doing - they'd had this fairy-tale princess ideal about marriage and the "right man" and what their dress was going to be and how big the wedding was going to be, without any real idea of what marriage meant or an idea that it would be more than "Happily Ever After". It took me years to shake that preconception, and more than a few broken relationships.

And now I find that the same ideal, the same "Princess" concept, is being pushed again for women.

Whoever is pushing this rubbish needs slapping. Hard.

Comments

[freyaw.livejournal.com]

I will admit to having thought about the whole shebang, even knowing that I am unlikely to ever get married. Mostly with regards to what songs should and should not be on the playlist (one of my well-liked songs would get various members of my family acting as if they're at church, and given that they're Pentecostal or Fundie, that is not something I want to see, thankyouverymuch). But the scrapbook thingy, especially as started in the late teens? The "I must get married and the whole damn thing must be perfect" is so unrealistic. No one is perfect. Thus, no relationship can be perfect. And if you are invested in perfection, then you're asking to be stressed, disappointed, and boring to those around you.

And if I ever want a dress badly enough to get it and if said dress requires me to have help to use the bathroom, smack me. Yes, that particular 'perfect' wedding dress looked absolutely gorgeous. Don't care. No one is helping me use the bathroom unless I am seriously disabled kthxbye.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

One thing about being pretty queer from the get-go is that I somehow managed to never absorb those messages. Also, that the people I knew of who were married didn't seem to be made ecstatically happy by that choice - one day of being a "princess" doesn't make up the usual bollocks that "holy wedlock" is constructed to be, with everyone slotted into their little roles.

But yes, it seems that the trend that's been going on in the last decade or so in the US is finally making its way to these shores. And people wonder why feminism still exists...

[ruth-lawrence.livejournal.com]

Ugh.

I lucked out, I guess, in my focussing on the impossiblity of living with them, those settle-down guys.

I wouldn't risk the slapping in case the retrogressives enjoyed it. How does interrment sound?

[frou-frou.livejournal.com]

I get to meet a lot of brides...two today, in fact, and although the average prospective "Circa" bride is a whole lot more open and inventive ie, she's looking for something more interesting than a meringue, I'm increasingly seeing those who are bridezillas, ie, have their "perfect" wedding in mind.

Annoyingly, they'll usually say that they're open to suggestion about the frock but the more you show them, the more you realise they all want the same thing: like the article says, white, strapless, jewels. They want to look like Audrey Hepburn, in a word. Except that Audrey had more imagination. I usually send them off to Mariana Hardwick (a large Melbourne bridal shop/maker) because the more specific you are with vintage, the less likely you'll find it. Or you'll find it and it won't be the right size (which amounts to the same thing).

I don't think anyone is pushing the princess line (heh). Perhaps it's more that increasingly, we're raising our expectations and girls (because usually they are young) want to be a princess, a goddess, or a movie star on their big day. Not having ever had that urge, I find it hard to comprehend but it seems to be the norm when the bride is under a certain age. Older brides tend to have a more realistic view, as you know.

Then again, judging by your own experiences, perhaps it's nothing new? I think we all appreciate a bit of special attention at times.

[emmasee100.livejournal.com]

The Princess concept needs a good slapping.

(Don't get me started on the movie "Pretty Woman").

Relationships are bloody hard work, and if I believed for one second if happily ever after, I would be a fool. I forget where I read it, but I recall something along the lines of "Happily ever after? Cut their heads off the second they get married, that's how you get happily ever after."

[jolly-oddness.livejournal.com]

Wow, you're one of the rare women who realise this before, rather than after the marriage. A good thing, a good thing.

And I wouldn't know where the princess thing is coming from. I can't say I've ever suffered under it (Being a princess usually bites you in the arse, I've noticed. There's always a price to pay), so I'm not sure where someone would get the idea.

[jolly-oddness.livejournal.com]

Oh, and - about 'glory boxes'. My mother's been doing one of those for me for ages, though now she sees it as my 'moving out collection' rather than my 'bridal collection' (she's given me up, I think.) It's full of pans and cups and I even have a fancy cutlery set. I actually think of it as a good thing. In fact, I hope there's a frilly piece of embroidery in there somewhere....

Not a *big* princess

[anwar-jones.livejournal.com]

i remember being quite taken with wedding gowns and such right around the time my oldest sister was getting married and i think about the bigd day in terms of who the bridal party would be given the identity of the spouse but i don't think i ever put the weight of craziness on the day that the article seems to indicate.

[scascot.livejournal.com]

sarapooh was doing the same thing when I met her. She had a notebook filled with things that she imagined for her "perfect" wedding. The funny thing is, almost none of it made it into our actual wedding.

Looking back on it, I don't think that she would change a thing.

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

Not a slapping: a tasering. The Czarina and I have talked about this quite often, seeing as how we have two nieces currently contemplating marriage, and Dallas is overrun with that marriage princess mentality. The fact that our city's divorce rate is one of the highest in the US should tell you exactly how well "happily ever after" works out, but it's still foisted with the idea that "once you're married, everything will be okay, no matter what". (I won't even get into the darlings who want to get married solely because they see friends or relatives getting lots and lots of wedding swag and decide "Well, I want some, too": that sums up why my sister decided to have a wedding reception of 250 with a budget to feed 40.)

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it, but it's been going for a lot longer than a decade on this side of the Pacific. When Hunter Thompson referred to Las Vegas as "what the whole hep world would be doing every Saturday night had the Nazis won the war," he left out that Dallas is what the whole world would be doing the subsequent Sunday morning.

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

I'd forgotten about the whole Pretty Woman crap, and I'd been trying. I think what's scary is that I ran into at least two women in my life who privately admitted that they'd thought about "dabbling" in prostitution if it meant that they could meet someone like Richard Gere. Again, the concept doesn't need slapping: it needs tasering.

[pandora-ilona.livejournal.com]

Wow... I can't believe why anyone would want 3 weddings. I was quite satisfied with One!

Good grief, when I got married I even toyed with the idea of taking off with E and getting married on the beach. Too much freekin' pressure!

Yeah, we were tossing around a Star Wars wedding (though we would have been happy with a Betazed wedding), but the wedding we had came to a total of 2000$.

This whole generation is lost. Princesses only exist in fairy tales. You don't need a 1000$ birthday party at age 3, or a 10000$ sweet 16. Call me old fashioned, but simplicity is the best. And with the divorce rate as high as it is, I think we're screwed if we let people think they can have it all.

[mr-figgy.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I lose out on this concept, being more of a left man than a right

[culfinriel.livejournal.com]

Like it didn't screw enough of us up the first time. Why is it that there's never a Cosmo Groom or boys keeping scrap books of what their wedding is going to look like? It's only ever aimed at women. Why is that?

[ex-cerebrate131.livejournal.com]

We have a different archetype to play to.

It's just as unhealthy in most ways if not tempered with a healthy dose of reason.