Not Spoilers and thoughts on writing.
Jul. 19th, 2007 01:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reynardoI've been following some of the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows spoiler news, and checking a lot of the links. Some weren't bad, although the information is spotty at best. Some are rather good imitations, and some are downright pathetic. So a small collection of the best and worst not-really-spoilers are under here to save your sanity if you'd rather not even guess:
OK, so some of those were from really bad fanfic, and a few were ones I made up myself. The law of averages says I have to get some of the guesses right. If it turns out to be the phonesex one though, I'm giving up.
And herein I rant about writing
My mother said that both![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lederhosen and I ought to write more, and she's right. I read a book recently that I picked up cheaply. It purpoted to be a Regency Romance set in India and England. Now, I'm a fairly non-discriminatory reader. It takes a lot to make me lose my enjoyment of a story . I was utterly disappointed recently when an otherwise-well-written HP fanfic had Hermione paying US-style tax. Madam Damereaux set the book on the counter, opened it to the fly-leaf, and checked the price. “Here we are…nineteen Galleons, seven Sickles. With tax, that comes to…twenty Galleons two Knuts.
Imagine Regency romances starting with Jane Austen, who lived in the time so could be reasonably expected to get the time, the speech, the mannerisms and the attitudes correct. Have as the second generation Georgette Heyer, who researched the period well and was able to pretty well pinpoint the mannerisms and speech patterns, as well as the morals (although I think the idea of a coat with 17 capes on the shoulders would be un-wearable). Next generation after that would be Johanna Lindsay, who occasionally slips with things like the waltz, and exactly how poor a poor person would be. (I find it unlikely that a dressmaker in a village would trust a complete stranger with the makings of a fine silk dress without any security or someone to vouch for them). This person (and I can't even tell you the author as I've already consigned the book to the charity bin) is a step removed even from there.
I read this book, and it was terrible. I could forgive the overblown sex. I could overlook (just) the mixing up of the concepts of the treatment of women under Hindu and Islamic law. But when the heroine said (among other things) "Thanks", "I got it" and "OK", I gave up. Although it does inspire me - if people can write that badly and still get paid for it, then I really need to dust off my plot bunny and get it going.
And at that point, it's time to go back to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
spoil_me_dh for the latest rubbish. And the following spoils nothing:
Alas,da_norvegicus has a football game on Saturday morning starting at 8:30. It would be considered very bad form to duck out halfway through and grab the book, wouldn't it?
* Snape is a good guy really but dies anyway.
* Snape is a bad guy really but dies anyway.
* Snape changes from bad to good, but kills Harry in the process.
* Hermoine dies
* Hermoine marries Snape because he's disguised as a Scottish wizard called Russel
* Dudley is really a wizard but Aunt Petunia is hiding it
* Aunt Petunia is really a wizard but is hiding it, and really loves Harry
* Snape really loved Lily, and saves Harry because evry time Harry looks at him Harry's eyes remind him of his lost love.
* Snape and Lily were together until James stole Lily away, so Harry is really Snape's child.
* Snape dances to Scissor Sisters in the Headmaster's office then has phone sex with Harry.
* Dumbledore is really alive in the portrait but is slowly dying from the liquid he drank in HBP, (therefore Harry killed him)
* Harry dies but is revived by CPR from Hermoine.
* Ron dies.
* Fred dies
* George dies.
* Ginny dies.
* Tonks dies
* Sirius lives
* Rocks fall, everybody dies.
* Minerva loves Hagrid.
* Harry ends up visiting the site of the last American Wizarding school, which was destroyed by Voldemort (thus ruining for ever the chance of American Exchange Students)
* Harry dies alone many years after, and Snape and Lucius Malfoy live in a little cottage in the countryside, growing raspberries.
OK, so some of those were from really bad fanfic, and a few were ones I made up myself. The law of averages says I have to get some of the guesses right. If it turns out to be the phonesex one though, I'm giving up.
And herein I rant about writing
My mother said that both
lederhosen and I ought to write more, and she's right. I read a book recently that I picked up cheaply. It purpoted to be a Regency Romance set in India and England. Now, I'm a fairly non-discriminatory reader. It takes a lot to make me lose my enjoyment of a story . I was utterly disappointed recently when an otherwise-well-written HP fanfic had Hermione paying US-style tax. Madam Damereaux set the book on the counter, opened it to the fly-leaf, and checked the price. “Here we are…nineteen Galleons, seven Sickles. With tax, that comes to…twenty Galleons two Knuts. Imagine Regency romances starting with Jane Austen, who lived in the time so could be reasonably expected to get the time, the speech, the mannerisms and the attitudes correct. Have as the second generation Georgette Heyer, who researched the period well and was able to pretty well pinpoint the mannerisms and speech patterns, as well as the morals (although I think the idea of a coat with 17 capes on the shoulders would be un-wearable). Next generation after that would be Johanna Lindsay, who occasionally slips with things like the waltz, and exactly how poor a poor person would be. (I find it unlikely that a dressmaker in a village would trust a complete stranger with the makings of a fine silk dress without any security or someone to vouch for them). This person (and I can't even tell you the author as I've already consigned the book to the charity bin) is a step removed even from there.
I read this book, and it was terrible. I could forgive the overblown sex. I could overlook (just) the mixing up of the concepts of the treatment of women under Hindu and Islamic law. But when the heroine said (among other things) "Thanks", "I got it" and "OK", I gave up. Although it does inspire me - if people can write that badly and still get paid for it, then I really need to dust off my plot bunny and get it going.
And at that point, it's time to go back to
spoil_me_dh for the latest rubbish. And the following spoils nothing:"Wands are only as powerful as the wizards who use them. Some wizards just like to boast that theirs are bigger and better than other peoples'."
-- Hermione Granger, Carpet Edition of HPDH
Alas,
da_norvegicus has a football game on Saturday morning starting at 8:30. It would be considered very bad form to duck out halfway through and grab the book, wouldn't it?
