Dammit, I don't think this counts.

[reynardo]

In our family, there is a weekly count-up of all the money we've been offered by way of dodgy European lotteries, missing dead famous relatives and banks in Nigeria.

Alas, though, the latest one doesn't offer me money - it just tells me that there's been money transferred in my name and being held on suspicion of being terrorist funds.


ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Ref: FBI/DC/25/113/13/2013
https://www.fbi.gov

Urgent attention needed

We have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in Africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities

The bank knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to make this payment from any part of the world to your account directly, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) method to make the payment. direct transfers are difficult and secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) are not usually made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities and we ask why must your payment be made in a secret transfer if your transaction is legitimate.

We do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account.

we advice you to contact us immediately, as your funds have been stopped and are being held in our custody, until you are able to provide us with the dist certificate within 3 days from the country that authorized the transfer to certify that the funds that you are about to receive are terrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to impound the payment and subsequently prosecute you for cross border terrorist financial activites.
based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay.

Note

We decided to contact you directly by email to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the huge amount involved. Be informed that the funds are now with a top bank in the united state in your name and under the monitoring/custody of the FBI. At the moment, we have asked the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we instruct them to do so, and only if we receive the dist certificate this is to enable us carry out a comprehensive investigation first before releasing the fund to you.

hence, you are to forward your dist certificate to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you do not have it, then let us know so that we will direct you to the appropriate authority to obtain the certificate then you are to send it to our office. And thereafter, we will instruct the bank holding the funds, to go ahead and credit your account immediately. If you fail to provide the documents to this office, we will prosecute you and take appropriate action against you for not proving the legality of the funds.

Finally if you truly want to receive this funds without F.B.I troubles then reconfirm the following below

Name
Address
Sex
Contact number
Country of origin of funds

Yours Faithfully

SPECIAL AGENT JUKE WILLIAMS
FOR FBI DIRECTOR
MR. ROBERT S. MUELLER.



I don't know what's the most amusing - that they don't know how to format $10.5 million, that they talk about "united state", or that they're trying to warn me about some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country.

There needs to be a book written about a bunch of really incompetent scammers, called "Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts". Or a silly Ealing Comedy made of it.

And now, back to the lesson plans...

Comments

[frou-frou.livejournal.com]

I think it totally counts! After all, they're offering you $10.5 million if only you follow their instructions. I'm sure the next contact will hit you up for the certificate or processing fees or whatever the kids/Nigerians these days are calling them.

I found several versions online, yours seems to be missing a long cc list at the bottom. It pains me to think that people fall for these things.

[theweaselking.livejournal.com]

I love how
1) they add an acronym for something they spell out in full each time
2) the acronym is wrong.

But: These scams are quite deliberately obvious. The scammers are not incompetent. Instead, they are quite deliberately making the fact that this is a fake obvious. They want it to be so obviously fake that *only an idiot* would fall for it.

Idiots have money.

They're filtering, so that only the MOST GULLIBLE people respond.

Someone who falls for a scam this obvious is not going to catch on after a day, a week, a month. A more realistic and believable pitch might catch someone who will initially respond, but say "wait a minute" before transferring money. At that point, that's a loss: The scammer has wasted time and effort for no return. So they make the initial pitch COMPLETELY OBVIOUSLY FAKE, and then only catch suckers.

[carolinelamb.livejournal.com]

OMG! SPECIAL AGENT JUKE WILLIAMS!!!

Laughing like a hyena here :D

[moxie_man]

I just wish there was a way to actually enforce a law on the books here stateside. It goes back to fax machines, but by the way it's written, could be applied to spam email. $500 fine in court per incident. If you could somehow track down the spammers and drag'em all to court and somehow make'em pay, we'd all be filthy rich.

[fluffy-cloud.livejournal.com]

You have the talent to write such a book lovely lady!

[delphipsmith]

There are at least three websites (419 Eaters, 419 Hell, and The Lads from Lagos) that document "scambaiting" -- where you pretend to fall for their scam and lead them on, often with very funny results. Sometimes, like in this case, the baiters actually get the scammers to send THEM money!! The Lads from Lagos is the best -- it's hilarious, and actually did publish a book based on their cases, but it didn't have as good a title as your suggestion :)

[delphipsmith]

::icon love::

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

My beloved lederhosen was once leading a scammer on for a few months, and even had a post office box ready, but they must have realised, and ran for it...