It's the saying and then the not doing that makes all the difference.

[reynardo]

When I was in school and we were discussing political parties (about which my year 9 teacher was crazy) we had a class election, and she arbitrarily split the class into two groups and nominated leaders for the political debate. I decided that there was room for a third non-aligned party (the Independant Socialists) with the motto "Verba Non Facta" (Words, not Deeds). Alas, this confused the teacher (who didn't like me much anyway) and we were treated with about as much respect as you can imagine.

But the motto has stuck around in my mind for ages in various ways. I've long considered love to be seen and known best by its actions - you can say you love a person and adore them and respect them all you like, but when you lie to them or don't followup on those lovely words with real actions, the love is obviously just lip service. I have sad memories still of my first boyfriend swearing things would change and we'd do stuff I wanted as well as just what he wanted, then insisting our first night out after that that we see the movie he chose that I had no interest in. At least one former boyfriend insisted on "open communication", said everything was fine, and then a week after we'd discussed going on a holiday together (and I'd just bought the wool for a lovely jumper for him) he told me it was all over and he'd been having doubts for a couple of months. (At least my brother got a nice jumper out of that).

It's probably why I didn't get on too well with other girls for years too - the honey-sweet promises that would be made and then easily broken didn't sit too well with me. The most classic is the playground "if you give me (a sweet/your cake/money I want) I'lll invite you to my birthday party". Even the most forgiving of us only falls for that a couple of times. It's why I still get annoyed at people who promise to "get in touch" but then don't, or who say "you're special" but then treat you as if they barely know you.

I hate it when I fail myself, when I promise I'm going to do something at home and then life gets complicated or I get distracted and the promise falls through. And I do try not to, but it does happen. My beloved lederhosen has had to put up with some of that, I'm afraid. In my case it's often that I take too much on myself or don't organise myself properly, and things fall by the wayside. I will get better.

But this is where it gets painful for me when similar things happen in the larger context. We're currently in the final death throes of the national election for Prime Minister. I'm listening to the promises various parties are making, and wincing as some of them come out as very very obvious election-only promises. It breaks my heart when I hear a party I want to support make a non-viable promise. I am encouraged when they promise something reasonable (like negotiation on a serious issue). And I get depressed when the breach in faith occurs, even if we could all see it coming from miles away.

While the small parties can't deliver me the moon and the sun, at least they also seem to have the sense not to promise them as well.

Comments

We need the beer party back

[taleya.livejournal.com]

At least they'd deliver.

I tend to feel that sometimes I don't say enough. I think - well, hope my actions say my feelings. ah shit, i don't know. Not worth asking wu_lu - according to him I was a horrible terrible no good girlfriend. (move along... :P)

*decides to prod torasin then gives up because he's the silent type :P*

Re: We need the beer party back

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

I usually speak up now, as I've gotten too old for playing games.

Unfortunately, sometimes it's not the speaking up that's the problem - it's knowing if the other person heard. And asking twice is, to me, a nag. So I sit and wait and get more and more frustrated...

Re: We need the beer party back

[taleya.livejournal.com]

If you need an answer, ask until you get it. Your needs are important too.

Then you have the fun part of making yourself believe the answer :P

Re: We need the beer party back

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Wise woman.

I do, however, retain the right to disbelieve the answer if the actions don't match it.

Re: We need the beer party back

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

If you need an answer, ask until you get it. Your needs are important too

You know, thinking about this, you're absolutely right. I'm far better off being yelled at for nagging and being a pain than being yelled at for not saying anything or being upset when they don't respond.

[turnberryknkn.livejournal.com]

(bitter grin) Know the feeling. Oh, know the feeling.