Am I compensating for failure in one area by spreading it around others?

[reynardo]

I had grumping small-person this morning. He had had a bad day yesterday, and had the sniffles this morning (probably from having to dive under his bed to find his school-books), so with less than 4 hours sleep I had to negotiate with him then drive him to school. Screaming would have just made things worse. And although I call him "small person", he's getting awfully tall and rather stocky. Dammit. I love my boy deeply but he drives me mad sometimes.

It's been pointed out to me rather forcefully that I act as Mum to an awful lot of people. I'm wondering if some of it isn't because I don't think I do a very good job with the boy. So many of my friends have to cope with me offering advice, cooking meals, bringing in breakfast and otherwise caring for them, whether they want me to or not. (I'll stop if they ask, but most people don't). I've even been spanked for doing the "mum" thing for some friends without being asked - it wasn't that they minded the help, but more that they knew how I can do it and forget to look after myself.

Or maybe it's because I missed out on a lot of "mum"-ing with another lad and want to make up for it. He certainly didn't suffer for it and I was far better off letting him go to parents who were in a position to give him everything he needed. And he's turned out fine too.

Or maybe I really do just have an overdeveloped hospitality gland and can't bear to see anyone having a rough time of it. Show me a picture of a mistreated puppy and I'll be the one at the front of the pound wanting to rescue it.

Whatever it is, in the rare times I drop the Mum part of me and let the hair down, I tend to make up for things with a vengance. Melbourne people - 10 days - be warned.

Comments

[xmas-chan.livejournal.com]

I suppose i'm not much to go by, but from what i've read i don't think you could have failed in doing a good job with your boy. No-one is perfect of course and i highly doubt it would be good for anyone's upbringing to have a parent who thought they did a 'perfect' job.

But you seem to be a very caring person, and i doubt the mothering really bothers anyone all that much. I'm sure there are those that would rather go without, but to more than likely over balance that lot there are a lot of people to whom such an attitude would be very much welcomed. With every refusal in whatever form there's probably someone who is touched that wasn't the sort to ask or be able to thank for it with all the feeling they mean.

[djfiggy.livejournal.com]

I'll probably get a phonecall.
"Ten... days."
And this after watching a strange videotape.

[sarin-girl.livejournal.com]

heh.. I'm very tempted to change the road trip around so I can be in melb the same time as you..

It would be great to see you let loose : )

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

It would be nice. But don't go changing your plans just for us.

And besides, apart from the Friday night, I'm already booked for Satuday morning, Saturday afternoon, saturday evening, saturday night, sunday breakfast...

I think I've forgotten something here.

[ambitious-wench.livejournal.com]

I want to talk to you about this at length, Rey. I still have worries about not being a good mom. Email me, love.

Edie

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Will do , gorgeous

[chaos-crafter.livejournal.com]

Personally, I dobt it's a form of overcompensating. I think it's something you know how to do and do well, and that people mostly like, so of course you do it.
The problem is that you do it when you should be taking your chance to relax (that spanking was for your own good.) I know that I, for one, too easily let you do it because I'm lazy and it makes my life easier. I often feel guilty, but I am way to good at feeling guilty instead of doing something.
So while I won't always stop you I will try to remind you that you don't have to be doing the mum thing. Do it if it makes you feel good, but be cautious; most others won't notice how much work you put in so they'll appreciate it about as much as most mums get appreciated (i.e. not enough) Better to pick un-mum things to do like back-rubs or long conversations about life or other such things. People will notice them more, and I suspect you'll enjoy them more.
After all, volunteering for the most under-appreciated job on earth just seems folly.

[ladyreo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I am exactly the same. I have a very overactive mommy gland. I have even had one friend stand there and scream at me to stop it. But on the whole most of my friends do not seem to mind.

[jesusandrew.livejournal.com]

Love the cornflake girl icon!

I don't think you're "overcompensating" - 17catherines does the same thing to our visitors :)

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Heh. And I did it to her too.

I visited friends in the US where the wife is like me - and I out-Mum'd her.

[fizit.livejournal.com]

Coming to the bath on Friday?

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

It's the 29th we're down and we don't get in until 8:30, alas. Scrub a back or three for me, would you?