Extortion, I tell you.

[reynardo]

My grandmother Nancy, she who has been mentioned in a couple of posts by lederhosen, has been putting the heavy pressure on my mother to see her grandson, my son, da_norvegicus. Obviously the pressure has been extreme, because we really don't want to have anything to do with the woman.

So I can only imagine the sort of pressure that Nancy has put on my poor mother, because my mother has asked if we're free to go to Doyles, one of the nicest harbourside fish restaurants in Sydney. There's no way my grandmother can afford to go there, so my mother must be paying. And there's no way my mother would agree to that without pressure above and beyond the unreasonable levels.

And it's going to be very very hard to decide whether to go or not -

Pro

Doyles is yummy,

Con
Lunch with grandmother will be extremely full of :
her being a pig:
her putting down my mother
her putting the pressure on us to visit
her putting the pressure on my son
trying very carefully not to let information slip about the lovely quatranoctal and xmas_chan
not rising to her jibes about my brother, myself, my family, those friends of hers I actually like
not correcting her when she tries to be an expert on all things

No, I think I've decided. Nice as it would be, I'm not going to the lunch.

Anyone want to impersonate me for a half-day?

Comments

[waitingman.livejournal.com]

Lend me a wig & expect to never hear from your grandmother again...

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

You say the sweetest things...

[malada.livejournal.com]

If you do that you really should video tape the event. ;-)

-m

[emmasee100.livejournal.com]

I speak as the adult child of a toxic set of grandparents :

Good for you!

(My parents are of a mixed marriage : he was Catholic, mum was C of E, mum was second gen "new Australia". Grandparents refused to go to the wedding, never liked the grandchildren.)

good for you! I'm not going to offer to impersonate you, but good for you for protecting your child from pressure and putdons.

[cheeseisfunny.livejournal.com]

doyles sucks,

http://www.waterfrontrestaurant.com.au/ is much better (for seafood) in sydney

as for grandmothers. um, drink LOTS

:)

[shadow-5tails.livejournal.com]

*raises an eyebrow*

I've never been to the Waterfront, so I can't comment on their food, but their website is one of the more irksome things I've encountered in a fair while. (And I'd reached that conclusion before it crashed my machine...)

[cheeseisfunny.livejournal.com]

works fine on a mac,

maybe you are using one of those virus (windows) mahicnes :)

the food is devine..

[shadow-5tails.livejournal.com]

Ah.

This is going to turn into one of those conversations.

Well, if you want to buy me a Mac G4 so that I can find this out for myself, I'l happily concede the point - those things are meant to be fabulous for working musical miracles on. Until such time as someone does something of the sort, however, I'm sadly not in a position to comment. *grins*

[shadow-5tails.livejournal.com]

I think you're doing the right thing, myself. If she's not worth dealing with, proving to her that your friendship/tolerance/company are not things that can be bought (regardless of who's doing the buying - yeesh! Your poor mother!) will - well, honestly, it'll probably slide straight off her and/or be the cause of more nastiness. *wry smile* But I still think it's not worth going.

My only concern would be how far your mother's limbs are being twisted on this front - what are her thoughts about all this? If I'm right in guessing that she's somewhat caught in the middle on this one, I can't imagine her predicament being any nicer than yours. I'm guessing, though, that capitulating on this one wouldn't achieve anything but forcing your grandmother to find some other way to make your mum's life difficult.

Gah.

[frou-frou.livejournal.com]

Hmm, good points. Ms Rey: perhaps discuss this with your mother? I understand entirely why you don't want to go but I'm sure she doesn't like being the chip in the buttie, so to speak

Agreed

[harliquinn.livejournal.com]

I would second this, it might give you a prospectus on how better to deal with the dinner when the time comes. Or at least plan a strategy that you and your mother can tag-team with.

Also, when dealing with toxic grandparents AND parents I have started uttering a new war-cry:

"I still have two legs, and i can leave whenever i wish."

Re: Agreed

[jazzmasterson.livejournal.com]

"I still have two legs, and i can leave whenever i wish."

Amen.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I know the feeling. I havent' seen my dad's mother since my Dad's 50th (and he's 54 now) and have *no* regrets whatsoever for never seeing the dried up nasty old bitch. I know that sounds harsh, but you've never met this woman. I really feel sorry for dad, and wonder how the hell his bastard parents managed to produce such an honourable man. (yes, my dad can be a pompus ass, but he's still a good man)


Hmm, there's a flu flapping around the helpdesk here at the moment. *cough cough* oh dear, now look at that, I appear to have infected you......guess you can't go now to that lunch now. And look! you've passed it on to your son. Awwww. Such a pity. :P

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. Time for all of us to sit watching "Return of the King" while sipping delicious hot lemon toddies, methinks.

Gee - you need feeding up, too.

[djfiggy.livejournal.com]

By the time I got there, though, I might be a day late

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

But has the letter arrived yet?

[djfiggy.livejournal.com]

The Frithmas card you sent just arrived yesterday, IIRC. So, if you calculate the time between when you sent the load of cards and when that got here, I figure you have a rough idea of when the letter will arrive.

[chaos-rose.livejournal.com]

No, but I will be your cheerleading section. Good for you - and good for your son, who does not need to deal with that kind of toxicity.

*holds up the 'You Rock' banner and dances*

[lirion.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Not an easy decision, but I think it's the right one for you and Adam. But as others have said, maybe have a chat to your Mum? Sounds like it must be hell for her as well. *sigh*

[skwerlbuddy.livejournal.com]

Don't do it. I have been there, and done it, and have the scars to prove it.

As the daughter of a narcissist, I've learned the hard way that if she gets what she wants this time, she is not going to
be satisfied - she's simply going to escalate her demands. Nothing that you give her or do for her will ever be enough.

And it is not your fault that your mother hasn't been able to grow a spine where your grandmother is concerned.