Let's talk about ... sex.

[reynardo]

Seriously. We live in a modern world. I started my sexual activity in the days before Herpes was a major player, saw the beginnings of the AIDS rampage, have worked in Safe Sex areas (packing condoms for Mardi Gras, for instance), and have educated friends and family on these issues.

But there comes a time in every relationship where you need to have The Talk. Unless you're a pair of complete virgins who truly have never come into contact intimately with another human being, you need to talk with your future sexual partner about safe sex, possible history (if it's relevant), and birth control (also, if relevant).

There was a recent post on Smart Bitches, Trashy Books about a couple in a future-world having "that talk", and the reviewer commented that the dialogue sounded "totally awkward". Although both the reviewer and I are glad that at least the couple discussed things, however awkwardly, before the rumpy-pumpy started.

So I ask you - how did you broach the subject with someone? What were the stumbling words you used, or did you just cross your fingers and hope all would be well? Was it a mumbled "look in the bedroom drawer", or a blatant "Do you have supplies or shall I bring them?" You can be anonymous if you'd like - I'm just highly curious. Give me a really bad example, the one you're proudest of, or take this as a reminder that when the time comes, the subject has to be raised, discussed and agreed upon.

If you want to be anonymous, I've switched off the IP logging.

And while this isn't one of my own examples, I am always grateful for Kaz Cooke's take on it in a cartoon, where Hermione the Modern Woman is confronted by a rather gorgeous man.

Man: Let me make wonderful, glorious love to you all night long...

Hermione: And what sort of a girl do you think I am????

Man: I've got condoms *big smile*

Hermione: TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!

Comments

[fenrischained.livejournal.com]

I'll put my hands up and admit that the only time I've been the one to broach the subject, it was mostly an excuse to, you know, not have sex. It worked, so whatever.

I suspect I'm the perpetual-virgin type. Who ends up with herpes. ;)

The More You Know!

[conzieu.livejournal.com]

Your post brought back a funny memory: I was a dental student, and this Physician I had met at a friend's brunch took me out to dinner. He came up for a nightcap. My phone rang, it was a classmate, I hung up after 5 mn, and turned back to find the doc, completely naked, with a huge boner, and he asks:"What kind of birth control do you use?"
I answered :"Abstinence"
He was hot and everything, but assuming, much??
He got dressed again in complete silence and left...

[frou-frou.livejournal.com]

Nice story!

I have a similar one - coffee back at my place after dinner, I go to powder my nose and when I came back, he's nekkid and smiling, in my bed.

Striding quickly to the bed, I leaned down and whipped off the doona, leaving him...vulnerable and ashamed :)

[besina-sartor.livejournal.com]

I've always been completely upfront about it, as if both of us totally expected we'd be talking about it before any action happened (even if they hadn't).

There's a time on a date when both of you know where it's heading, though you both may pretend not to. Right after this, during the kissing and petting stage, is usually when I bring it up -- ask if they have any protection with them, and discuss any preferences for different kinds of protection and go to any history from there -- I tell them mine history first just so it helps ease us into the talk, and I keep it sounding completely nonchalant as if it's no big deal to talk about it. That attitude helps a lot as they then don't feel like they're being grilled and it's just natural to talk about it. After all, why shouldn't it be?

[frou-frou.livejournal.com]

I'm a fan of full disclosure so usually brought the topic up once it was pretty clear how things were going...my favourite approach is a coy and flirtatious one. I agree with besina that a light touch is good - there are always Things that need to be discussed and it's best to handle them before things get too hot and heavy.